~Benjamin Orton~

Benny,

We were supposed to get to meet you this summer. Hunter was so excited. I had to break the news to him yesterday that you had gone home to Heavenly Father. I think Hunter probably has better perspective than I do about your death and feels happy you are now free and with our Savior. My heart is broken for your family.

Especially your sweet mother. She glows when she talks about you.

Even though we never met face to face, we've come to love you deeply through the journal your mother kept on your blog. I'm so glad the Lord allowed us to be touched by you in this way.

We miss you.

I have no doubt you'll be one of the first people to greet Hunter on the other side.

Until we meet again sweet boy.

FOUR

(Hunter's 1st birthday)

Time is a tricky thing.

It seems like an eternity has passed when I stop and think about everything we've experienced since Hunter came into our lives. And then I remember it has only been four years!

Four short years.

I still remember waking up early the morning of his birth. Too uncomfortable from contractions to go back to sleep, I slipped out of bed and went to sit on the couch and read. I ate a bowl of O's. (I regretted that later.)

I remember the final push that brought him in to the world and how his head popped out with a burst of fluids that got all over Bryson's jeans. Which Bry wore, without washing, for several days after.

I remember driving home from the hospital (my eyes as big as SAUCERS I'm sure) and looking to Bry-my rock-for comfort thinking, "We can do this, right?" Instead his face reflected all my own tumultous emotions.

I remember the struggles of breastfeeding. We finger-fed Hunter with a syringe and catheter as he sucked our pinkies until he got the hang of the real deal.

I remember the awful day of his diagnosis. My dad drove us home from PCMC because we were too messed up to be trusted with the task. We stopped at Wendy's for food. Weird that bodies still require us to eat on days like that.

I remember the first time we left Hunter with my mom. It was only for a few hours. When we returned and Hunter heard my voice he started crying hysterically. That's when I knew my baby knew who mommy was and that he'd missed me.

So many moments. I could go on and on and on... really!

This year for Hunter's birthday, instead of gifts, I just wanted people to write a note to Hunter. I bought a little journal (which I intend to use on all future birthdays-it was way better than gifts!) for people to write their feelings/memories about Hunter in. Everything shared was so sacred and beautiful.

Every birthday Hunter has is a blessing.

I know that someday, when I'm missing him on his birthday, I will feel that the time we had together passed by too quickly. That all the moments we shared just weren't enough.

But not today.

Today I just got to enjoy watching his family adore him and it was perfect.