Families Can Be Together Forever

I'm so grateful for this message. When death feels like a lurking, too real presence in my life I can lean on my testimony of the fact that my family will be together.

Forever.

Also, I love what President Eyring says about real love = putting the welfare of others above our own. Could that be any more opposite of the message the world bombards us with every day? The world says that is should be all about ME, ME, ME!

Not so says the Lord.

I believe becoming a mother is the best way to learn what real love is and implement it in your day-to-day life. God knew our children would teach us about real love in the most tender, sacred, beautiful way possible. His plan is perfect.

Big brother

I love this picture! Rock and Hunter have a sweet relationship already. I lay the baby next to Hunter a lot when Rock's fussy and I'm trying to finish something before I have to nurse. Unless Rock is really upset it works like a charm and buys me a couple extra minutes. Rock loves snuggling up to his big brother. Hunter handles it pretty peacefully as well(being next to a loud, wiggly little person is a lot for Hunter to absorb without stressing).

We buzzed Hunter's head a few weeks ago. This is really the only hair style that works on a kid who is lying down or in a wheelchair most of the day. Every time we cut Hunter's hair I'm shocked by how old my boy looks. He's wearing some of the new clothes he got for Christmas in these shots and that definitely adds to him looking old. He's getting really tall; still as skinny as ever though. He's such a handsome, dear little(big) guy.

Amazing???

Another very special mom posted this on her blog after her daughter's funeral last week-

I'm nowhere near perfect. If I'm strong it's because of the last 5 years. If I'm handling it well it's because I believe in heaven, and because I'm somewhat numb. And it was very hard watching Lily hurt. And I have A LOT of help and support. But you should know I certainly don't feel "Amazing".

This was my comment-

I understand what you're saying about not feeling AMAZING. I kind of hate it when people say that to me. Amazing isn't the right word. Strong is. Strength is the result of getting up day after day and shouldering a heavy burden, until you somehow (with God's help) develop the muscles to carry it without struggling so much. We all need people who love us and who can be strong for US. I'm grateful for the people in my life who make ME feel like I can have some moments of weakness for myself. That allow me take a break from being so dang strong all the time. Because you'll always do what ya gotta do, but sometimes it is oh so good to not do it alone.

No one wants to live on a pedestal. They are friendless and hard to balance on. I am deeply grateful for the people in my life that understand this and allow me to be just an average human being who needs help sometimes.

A little blue today

I need to opine.

Being Hunter's mama is tough stuff some days.

Especially when my support system (i.e. my mother) is on the other side of the globe.

It has been a LONG week.

An acquaintance of mine lost her baby girl a few days ago. I didn't really know Erin and Lily that well but my heart has been tender since I heard the news. I'm hurting for Erin, a mother whose arms are longing for the warmth of her sweet baby.

Every time a special child goes home to our Heavenly Father I'm reminded that my days with Hunter are numbered.

Sometimes I forget. Seriously. I start thinking that I'm just another mom. I look around at some of the women in my midst and marvel at how put together they are, the trips they get to go on, the time they seem to have to pursue their interests, and wonder how they do these things. Grocery shopping or a visit to the treehouse at the mall are major endeavors for us.

That just doesn't seem as epic for anyone else and it baffles me.

But then something happens and I realize that I'm not just a normal mom. "Normal" mothers probably don't worry if they miss a couple weeks of blogging, because most likely a friend's child won't decline and pass away in that time period. Normal moms don't hang out at the suctioning clinic at the hospital or chase around looking for suctioning catheters in their child's size (or have to rinse out suction cups full of the nastiest mucus you've ever seen-I hate that, I really do). Normal moms probably aren't overwhelmed at the prospect of trying to just walk across the street to their church to play basketball with friends because they've never tried to push a wheelchair with one arm and juggle a baby carrier and a crying two year old who (of course) suddenly wants to be held in the other arm.

You get the idea.

It's frustrating when the one person I would feel comforted by being with can't get together because her own sweet boy is seriously ill.

When we first discovered Hunter's condition everyone was so concerned for us. Everyone wanted to help.

It's funny how quickly that wears off. Even though each and every day is still tough people lose interest after the "crisis" is over. I think people start to think you are/should be "over it". You're fine now, it's just your life. They start to think you're just "normal" too.

They aren't privvy to your non-normal moments. Only you are aware of those. You and the Savior.

And the husband, who tries really hard to be understanding.

Thank heavens for that.

I promise not to be depressing next time.